Close or Close?

Inside the Lost Maples Cafe -- Utopia, Texas

Since retiring we have visited the Texas Hill Country on many occasions.  It is one of our favorite areas to visit.  During one of those visits we were on a scenic drive one day and found ourselves in the town of Utopia.  Utopia is a small town located in the middle part of the Sabinal River canyon and was given a notoriety boost in the 2011 movie Seven Days in Utopia.  The movie starred Robert Duvall, Lucas Black, and Melissa Leo and presented the story of a young golfer trying to make his mark on the professional tour who finds himself unexpectedly stranded in Utopia for a week.  While he is there he learns a lot about life from the people living in and around Utopia.

Unlike the young golfer we were not stranded in Utopia. We were back, somewhere else, in our RV by nightfall.  But while in Utopia I picked up a book called Bear Meat 'N' Honey - An Oral History of the Sabinal Canyon by Greg Walton a local author.  After reading the book it became obvious to me that there are a lot of life lessons that could be learned from people around Utopia if a person just paid attention.

The book is a series of interviews with several of the old time residents of the canyon around Utopia.  One person interviewed was a lady named Oma. She was 85 years old at the time of the interview and had lived in the canyon since the very early 1900's. Here is an excerpt from that interview presented in Oma's own words.

"The biggest change around here?  I know how I'd describe it.  People are different today.  People don't visit like they done in the old days.  People don't share in one another's lives.  I think they's just as good a people as before, but visiting is out.  Don't you think?  The biggest majority of people here now are retired and when they do go anywhere they go visit their children off somewhere or into San Antonia for shoppin'.  When I was a growin' up, well neighbors was almost like kin.  A lot of time, they was kin.  Didn't make no difference anyway.  If you needed help, why they'd help you out.  Time came why, you done the same for them.  Plant your crops, raise your barn, birth your babies, bury your dead.  Do plumb near anything for you.  They didn't just live close.  They was close." *

             

"They didn't just live close. They was close."  Wow!  That statement caught my attention when I read it.  Maybe it caught my attention because it seemed to be in hard contrast to the social media driven world we all seem to live in today.  Times are different now.  Sometimes we are so close together we can hardly move but we are still not close.  We have all read stories about someone in a crowded place being placed in real peril and instead of stepping in to help, the people around that person pulled out their cell phones to film the scene.

I have noticed a phenomenon that has developed over the past few decades that illustrates my thoughts about us being very close, but still not close.  First it started out with the convenience of being able to carry a phone with us and call anyone we wanted at anytime from anywhere.  Then email replaced written correspondence with flowing prose with instant but tepid communication.  Then texting replaced both email and talking on the phone.  An example of how this has affected our personal closeness was illustrated to me when my wife and I were traveling with my teenage granddaughter and one of her friends to the beach.  The two girls were in the backseat probably less than two feet apart and were texting to each other instead of talking.  Then one of them texted my wife in the front seat with a question.

Now I know that these girls were already close friends, but something seemed to be missing in the conversation that was ongoing during our drive to the beach.  Information was being shared, but I think what was missing may be what Oma referred to in the interview as "visiting."  I am thinking about this like a retired guy who did not live his life in the Sabinal Canyon, but who believes he can see wisdom in the recollections of Oma as they might apply to my world.

When I was employed before retirement I did things that were important to others (specifically my employers) because I was required to.  It was profitable for me to do so because I was paid to do it.  Since I am now retired I am free to do things that are important to others.  Not because I am required to do them; not because I am paid to do them; but because they are the right things to do.

If people are close it seems to be because they do things that are important to one another.  Not necessarily big things, but important things.  When people are close together but are not close it is because they are doing things that are important to themselves but not necessarily important to one another.  Now I am thinking that retirement is a prime time to get closer to the people I live close to.  At least maybe I now have more time and energy to do something other than just sending them a text message.

* Walton, Greg. Bear Meat 'N' Honey - An Oral History of the Sabinal Canyon. Vol. 1. Austin: Acorn, 1990. 28. Print.  Used by permission.